#Masterchef Recap 6 July: Battle of Agincourt

Posted: July 6, 2011 in Uncategorized

We’re back to the topsy-turvy world of 2011 Masterchef. Idiot Dani is the top of the heap, having won immunity yesterday, and Billy is gone.  Will tonight’s SHOCK REVALATION return things to something approaching normality? Hope so.
The remaining contestants have been summoned back to the Masterchef kitchen in the dead of night to hear about their next team challenge. It’s a competition between French and English food, supervised by an angry English chef. Is it Gordon Ramsey? They won’t find out until tomorrow who it is.

They have the night to prepare a menu in their assigned cuisine. They have to deliver on both performance and taste. Blah, blah, blah, when are they kicking Goth Matt out already? Winners get to hang out with Anthony Bourdain. That sounds awesome actually.

As her reward for winning on Sunday, Dani is the captain of the Blue team. That is a terrible reward. Wait, she also gets to pick her cuisine. She picks French. Smart. She also gets to pick her team! Awesome. She talks up how important it is to have good chefs when you work in the industry.  Appearing on reality television does not count as ‘working in the industry’, Dani.

She picks Kate, Hayden, Michael and Peter. Ellie realises that Dani thinks she’s a dummy. It’s not just Dani, buddy. Sun, Goth Matt Ellie and Alana are left as the red team. Worst team ever. Sun is ready to kill someone.

Back in the house, and the moment we’ve all been waiting for finally arrives. Cheating Goth Matt is in isolation, wearing a velvet jacket. Matt Preston arrives to drop the bomb, Goth Matt smirks away as Matt explains that he’s been caught. He looks less pleased when he gets the news that he’s leaving. He reads out a prepared speech about how he wasn’t trying to cheat, but was just really missing his girlfriend. There are people here with kids and real jobs, Goth Matt, and they somehow managed not to cheat.

Hey hey hey hey hey na na na goodbye

Nobody thinks you're cute, Matt

Matt Preston keeps it short and sweet, vaguely offers to help Goth Matt in his future food career. Brutal. Goth Matt even leaves like a wanker, twirling out the door. We do not hear about his post-Masterchef career.

Matt assembles the rest of the team, telling them they’re down a contestant. Hayden has no sympathy. Neither does anyone else, really. Peter, nice man that he is, thinks that Cheating Goth Matt didn’t cheat. I do not, based on his sudden sharp uptick in performance. Ellie is just confused.

As one Masterchef contestant leaves, another returns. That’s right, Billy’s back! Everyone except Sun is pleased. This is the greatest Masterchef moment ever. But he’s on the death team! Disaster.

Morning arrives. Dani says she’s feeling a lot of pressure, then lists reasons why she’s awesome. Having an immunity pin is not a reason to feel stressed.

It’s not Gordon Ramsey. It is some clown wearing a fashion keffiyeh on his head.

Marco just looks mad

Trendy AND politcally aware

It’s Marco Pierre White, which is apparently a big deal for everyone. We see some stock footage of him shouting at people. George tells them to soak up information and inspiration. Marco tells them to remember that perfection is lots of little things done well. I feel like I’ve walked into a motivational poster factory.
They’re off! Three hours of prep time and two hours to serve. Thirty guests, three courses. Alana is overwhelmed by the idea of acting as a real chef.

Blue team have gone really out there by choosing a very French menu. Isn’t that the point? Red team are going great guns. Alana has learnt from Ellie’s mistake and actually written down the ingredients they need.

Hayden’s making lobster bisque out of empty shells. Marco tells him that that is wrong. Makes sense! Marco has put on his lucky purple transition-lens reading glasses.


No, seriously

He tells Peter that he’s basically doing it wrong. Peter chooses to ignore him. This usually goes well.

Kate’s champagne jelly is made out of Moet! Fancy. Dani is already freaking out. She tells George she’s putting all of her silliness aside. I don’t believe you.

Sun thinks her entrée is witty. It’s fancy egg and chips. An egg foam with…chips. That sounds cool, actually. Billy’s pork belly is clever, according to Marco. So is Billy.

Ellie’s dessert appears to be three kinds of desert – eton mess chocolate tart with quinces? Alana has written down little inspirational messages for her team. That’s nice. Sun gets ‘speed’, Billy gets ‘confidence’ and Ellie gets ‘Don’t be an idiot all the time’.

Marco seems to have adopted Hayden. He can spot a future celebrity chef – probably wants in on Bondi Chef. Billy’s having crackling troubles, so he makes a backup! This is why he deserves to be here. Sun, on the other hand, has forgotten her gelatin. She tries to blame Alana. Kate refuses to share her gelatin. Go Kate!


Kate's kids

Marco fixes it – tells them to just whisk it up, then serve it differently. That does seem more effective than panicking. Hayden takes his fish out, leaving them to cook in the shell. George comes to tell him he’s an idiot. Dani’s way out of her depth. Gary demands joy. Now!
Peter has finally finished his quail. Dani comes over to bother him. Marco shows him how to speed truss. This guy is a genius.
Half an hour to go! Hayden is struggling. Dani calls a team meeting. Michael is busy learning how to make bisque from Marco. Wisely, he ignores Dani. She does not deal well with this, and drags him away. She is panicking. She tells Michael to continue doing what he was doing. He nearly kills her.

Marco explains to Ellie how to make a chocolate tart. He has not realised that she is an idiot. She has no idea what he just said.
Blue team is behind. Michael is apparently doing everything. Nobody is respecting Dani’s authority, as she completely shuts down mains prep. Michael thinks this is stupid. He is correct.

Hayden’s panicking. Dani is running around like a loon. The red team seem to be doing ok, although Ellie has completely failed to make ganache. Customers arrive. Will this be Agincourt all over again? I think yes.

Just imagine both sides had a pretty idiot involved

Screenshot of the start of service

Dockets start arriving. Marco morphs out of nice spiritual leader into psycho killer mode, according to Peter. Marco seems less and less impressed. Was he not warned about these idiots?

The blue team are incapable of getting a dish up. Red team haven’t managed demo plates, but have managed to get a dish up. Dani is totally lost. Peter is trying to get his quail in the oven, but Dani is stopping him. Michael stages a coup.

That's Captain For Life Michael to you

Never knew Michael had it in him

Red team is doing great. Gary is enthused by the sense of fear. Matt Moran has also appeared from somewhere. Everyone except Matt Preston has brought in a book to be autographed. Sun’s fancy egg and chips go down a treat.

Twenty minutes down, and the blue team have yet to serve a dish.  Hayden thinks that it’s a trade-off between technical dishes or something easy. What about something technical and great, like the red team did?

Blue team get an entrée out. It looks and smells fantastic, and tastes wonderful. It’s the best dish Hayden’s ever made.
Mains are coming out. Billy’s feeling the pressure, and starts serving pork belly with two hands.  Peter’s quail haven’t had time to cook. He has no option but to put them back in the oven. Michael is the only person coping with the reality of a professional kitchen.

Billy’s pork belly with cider gravy looks pretty delicious. Gary’s salivating. They cannot stop eating long enough to judge. Gary is having an emotional moment over the crackling. Matt enjoyed it so much he has dropped it all over his shirt.

Quail is still not up. The customers are starting to complain. A raw quail is just an inevitability at this point. Sure enough, they try and sneak one past Marco. It doesn’t work. Dani has nothing to contribute. It is just outrageous that she’s safe from elimination.

Red team is finished mains. They’re onto desserts. Sadly Ellie has totally stuffed this up. Finally they give Marco something to serve, after he shouts ‘give me a quail’ fifteen times in ten seconds. Peter thinks people will be so impressed by the technique. It’s restaurant food in a restaurant. That is called ‘meeting expectations’.

Matt Moran thinks that it’s a pretty meagre portion. That is true! It’s very French, though. It is cooked well, by some miracle, and despite the clumsy presentation is pretty delicious. Matt Preston thinks they should have done more.

Ellie cannot even competently whipped cream. She has made butter. She uses it anyway. I hope she wins the competition, as otherwise she may end up going back to nursing. She’s less likely to kill anyone in a kitchen.

'Um, everyone was shouting, and I really though it would help the flavour...tee hee!"

Although I wouldn't put it past her

Kate, meanwhile, has competently prepped dessert. We haven’t seen much of her tonight as, unlike the rest of her team, she hasn’t been panicking. She has instead been busy making her dish. It looks awesome.
Ellie gets offended when Sun tells her not to drop things. It is good advice. Why did Ellie pick the most complex dessert imaginable? She’s so terrible the blue team actually manages to catch up. Bad dessert has undone a team before – remember the greenhouse challenge? Ellie is the new Shannon.

Kate’s dessert looks amazing! It tastes delicious as well, even if white chocolate and champagne is a bit of a weird combination. George is very impressed with the technique – Kate has managed to make jelly and tuille competently, a competition first.

The red team dessert looks hideous. Matt was very excited about this dish, and feels extremely let down. It’s made George feel depressed, which is really not what people go for in a dessert. It tastes okay, but is strangely salty.

Ellie remains cluelessly pleased with herself. Marco flirts with her. He then gives the contestants a love-talk. They’re all winners!

Judging time. Gary talks up the historic French-English conflict. That is no laughing matter, Gary! People died. Gary was desperate to be told off by Marco. Is this some weird English sex thing? I don’t want to know.

Red team positives were their competent work in the kitchen, Billy’s wonderful pork belly and the egg and chips. Negatives were, surprise surprise, all about the dessert – both the delay and the fact that it sucked. Ellie is forced to take responsibility. She attempts to blame Marco. Nice work, Ellie.

Blue team positives were the delicious entrée, the dessert and the fancy techniques. Negatives were their complete failure to function properly in the kitchen, Dani’s inability to manage people, and the overprocessed quail. Dani does not acknowledge her own incompetence.

Red team wins! Justice is largely served, even if Ellie is safe. The blue team look gutted. Dani’s getting shanked for her immunity pin tonight. George tells Billy his dish was probably the best of the series. Billy nearly cries. He’s such a champ! Ellie is in shock that she’s made it to the top eight. She’s not the only one.

See you tomorrow as Dani avoids the elimination challenge that she brought upon herself, and one of the few competent cooks remaining in this competition goes home.

  1. Cathaxx says:

    I don’t trust people with transition lenses.

  2. Nic says:

    I’ve stolen this off someone else from *gasp* another recap website (my excuse is you were not always around so I had to find my MC piss-take joy elsewhere)… but you really need to refer to Dani from now on as lego hair head… or lego head for short

    As always, thanks for the recaps!! 🙂

  3. Showbee says:

    Can’t stand laughing imbecile Dani, can’t stand bossy bitchy Dani either. She is useless – give me Sun as captain any day! Good point about Michael – he seemed quite solid and sensible amid all that blue team chaos.

  4. CWA Rocks says:

    Michael used to totally shit me but after tonight he’s growing on. Man if looks could kill he would have lazer beamed Dani when she dragged him away from Marco!

  5. Rose says:

    Billy! Riot gear packed away until Ellie wins the comp. Do you recall how everything seems to be her ‘thing’ but she always fucks it up. I give you fried rice (‘i’m a poor student’) and hommous from previous challenges as examples. I’m with others on Michael, I’m liking him more and more.

  6. Jruth says:

    Lego-head? Love it!

  7. Natashia says:

    Why didn’t one of the judges to make a ‘handee ultra’ joke when Matt Preston dropped food on his shirt!? It would have been perfect…

    • Fin says:

      That’s what I was waiting for! I was seriously expecting Gary to hand Matt a nice big roll of Handee. Disappointed.

  8. Giang says:

    I’m surprised Sun hasn’t murdered either Dani or Ellie in their sleep yet.

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