#Masterchef Recap 4th July: Guinea Foul

Posted: July 4, 2011 in Uncategorized

We’re back. Cheating Goth Matt, Billy and Hayden are fighting it out in an elimination challenge. Problem is, we know that Goth Matt doesn’t leave honourably tonight but gets booted out for cheating later. So it’s between Billy and Hayden. Go Billy!

Hayden looks nervy as he recounts his lifeguard backstory. He loved his old job. If he could find a way to combine cooking and taking his shirt off he’d be in heaven. Goth Matt would rather do anything other than work in IT. Billy dreams of opening a dessert bar. He should open it in Sydney, preferably next to my house.

Goth Matt talks up his underdog status. His cheating has not only ruined the integrity of the show generally, but has completely wrecked the suspense tonight. They arrive in the kitchen and everyone talks about how full on it is to see the three of them in black. Goth Matt doesn’t wear anything else.

Found this on Goth Matt's deviantart page

That's the point

It’s a pressure test with a split personality, according to Matt – half about precision, half about creativity. They dish have to recreate is a salt crust guinea foul with a Masterchef logo. Do they have to do the logo? Goth Matt is suddenly feeling confident. Hayden and Billy, not so much. It is a seriously strange looking thing.

The crust is like a shell! The bird inside is like a small chicken. Goth Matt describes it as an oven inside an oven. George reminds them that they have to correctly cook the guinea fowl. So, not a ‘do it wrong’ challenge, then.

It contains Goth Matt’s favourite ingredient, truffles. Also, apparently he loves guinea foul. IT must be paying well these days. Billy and Hayden have heard of guinea fowl, in the sense that they know it’s a bird.

The bluejay looks particularly delicious

Narrows it down

They also have to make two side dishes of their own creation! This is the other side of the coin. They’re judged on how well they execute the guinea fowl, and how creative their side dishes are. Man, this is complicated. Dani helpfully explains that it is, indeed, complicated.

Far out, they’ve only got seventy-five minutes. I bet Hayden goes to pieces.

They’re off! Major ingredient of a salt crust is salt.  Hayden’s voice is shaky in the commentary box. I bet ‘Bondi Chef’ is already in pre-production.

The guinea fowl has giant scary legs! Hayden’s going to pieces already, mangling his bird to get the wishbone out. Gary finally takes pity on him, and shows him how to do it. Hayden sounds terrified as he pretends that he has thought of his side dishes. He gets the wishbone out!

Goth Matt is working competently, for once.  Billy seems to be doing okay. He’s making a horseradish. Delicious! Goth Matt is delighted by his competitor’s struggles. He starts talking about how great his stuff smells. Nothing worse than a smug nerd.

Guess I'd be pleased with myself too

Except a smug nerd that controls the world

The judges are stunned that Goth Matt isn’t struggling. He has thought of perfect side dishes. Yeah, I googled ‘things that go with guinea fowl’ and came up with similar ideas. Draw your own conclusions.

Hayden’s really struggling. Michael shouts at everyone to go faster. Peter looks unimpressed, and points out that they’ve all run out of time – including Goth Matt. None of them are doing the logo on the crust. Sun is yelling at Billy.

Hayden is confident there are no holes in his crust. The camera zooms in on a hole. Billy’s appears to be 90% hole. Uh-oh.

Who is this shifty-eyed guy shilling for ANZ, and why won’t he look at the camera? Who is he talking to? I don’t want my bank to be creative. That is the last thing that I want in a bank.

After repeating the last thing he said, Billy patches his holes. Hayden fixes his holes. He does the logo! Awesome. Everyone’s on to the jus and side dishes. Chair Goth Matt hasn’t washed his carrots, by the look of it. Or his hair.

George doesn’t want to rub salt into their wounds – but they’ve only got thirty minutes to go. Billy’s crust is starting to crack. George goes and points out the crack. He advises Billy to make more crust. Billy slaps it on like he’s repairing plaster. Fair enough.


Key Masterchef technique

Ten minutes to go! Sun can barely cope. Billy and Hayden set their chicken wings on fire. Is that meant to happen? Four minutes! Billy’s jus hasn’t reduced yet. He adds too much cream. Is this the end for Billy? Hayden’s beetroot may not have cooked. He makes some backup spinach.

Matt forgets he isn’t fireproof and grabs a red-hot pan. George tells him to put his burned hand under cold water, with the subtext of ‘harden up’. Hayden’s beetroot is cooked, but Billy’s vegetables are raw! We have barely seen anything from him tonight – this is very worrying. Too late now, time’s up.

Time to crack the crust.  Hayden is first – his crust is pretty perfect, and the bird looks good. Goth Matt’s crust has cracked on top. It looks pretty good, apparently, although I can’t tell the difference. Billy’s crust is a mess and the bird within looks a bit risky, but is probably just cooked.

Hayden’s up first for tasting. The bird looks okay, and his jus and side dishes are perfect. George thinks the jus is a knockout. The legs of the bird are overcooked and dry. Man, Billy’s stuffed.

Cheating Goth Matt is next. The judges are impressed by the way he worked, and are very pleased with his carrots. Gary, again, can’t wait to eat it. Don’t judge hungry, Gary. The bird is perfectly cooked, apart from a slightly dry leg.

Billy is last. He’s happy with half his dish. The cream potatoes are a winner, surely.  He would do the crust differently, given a second chance. Come on, Billy! Matt thinks his fowl is the best, but is scared of the salad, specifically the beetroot.

no sleep tonight!

Just when you least expect it, they strike

The jus is rubbish. The raw beetroot is not a winner, confirming Matt’s fears. Gary loves the fowl and the potato gratin, though. Billy has nailed half the challenge. Is this enough? Fireball.

Decision time.  Goth Matt’s feeling confident. Hayden and Goth Matt had great overall dishes, but Billy’s guinea fowl was the best. Matt thinks this is the first time he’s seen Goth Matt looking happy.

Goth Matt, asked why he deserves to be in the competition, gibbers incoherently. Billy avoids Gary’s question like a champ, but doesn’t see himself going home. Hayden can barely speak, clearly devastated by the prospect of going home. He manages a joke! Made for TV.

Wow, they’re dragging this out. Goth Matt is, as we already knew, safe. He feels lots of emotions. Ad break.

Westpac is hitting back in the strange bank ads stakes. Crazy staring lady talking at me about how they’ve been a bank for ages. I keep my money in a jam jar buried in my backyard, and that’s how it’s staying.

Yet to cause a global financial crisis

Bank of Jar has reasonable interest rates and low fees

We’re back. Hayden is safe! Billy is gone. Nooooooo! This is devastating. His raw salad was his downfall. There are so many clowns left. His montage, unlike many people, shows great dishes he’s actually cooked. I’ll still come to your dessert bar, Billy!

Back in the house the other contestants are having a slumber party while they wait in suspense. Everyone is pleased to see Hayden, not so much for Goth Matt. Dani patronisingly talks about Billy’s blog. Shut up, Dani.

Billy is welcomed home by his friends, partner and silly dog. Since leaving Masterchef he has continued his successful blog: www.atablefortwo.com.au.

See you tomorrow for Dani’s immunity challenge. More importantly, see you on Wednesday when it seems Cheating Goth Matt’s cheating schemes will finally come undone.


BYO party hats

Wednesday night at shuckittome

  1. Rose says:

    Nooooo! Was flying in from Canberra and missed it. Billy MUST return once Goth Cheat Matt cheater cheatings ways are exposed. Otherwise riots I say! ALL the remaining contestants are useless.

  2. Rupi says:

    Yeah right Matt, there is nothing you havnt tried, nothing that you havnt cooked, no method that you havnt mastered. Must be that phone helping you ‘research’

    Love your work gastrognome

  3. RobT says:

    It was like Macbeth tonight. Mad women in the peanut gallery. Damned spots of split crust that strangely helped Billy’s bird to cook perfectly. But mostly this was the episode where they murdered most fowl. Boom Boom.

  4. Fin says:

    If only Billy had binned his hideous looking salad, he might have made it over the line. Then again, maybe not – he was also let down by his jus which appeared, at first glance, to be a bechamel sauce.

    Even if Billy doesn’t get back in, I reckon he will land on his feet. I would go his dessert bar!

    P.S. I like your bank. I might open a branch in my backyard.

  5. Fin says:

    OMG – I just had a look at Billy’s blog and there is a description of some delightful egg dish as “egg porn”. No wonder he was able to make George “sex on a plate”.

    Have I just made this page PG rated?

  6. Sian says:

    Billy gone, Dani won… so insufferable..

  7. Sian says:

    Btw.. where’s your recap? I want to read your opinion about last night.. or did you watch it at all?

  8. CWA rocks says:

    After the disgraceful way that Mat smirked through this entire episode backed up by the loss of Billy and Dani winning an immunity pin I am despairing.

    Goth Mat leaving and hopefully Billy returning is all I am holding on to.

  9. stalkface says:

    This is brilliant. Hilarious.

    Bring back pretentious Jay! And Billy. I hope Sun falls in the oven with the gas on.

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