#Masterchef Recap 23 June: Swansong

Posted: June 23, 2011 in Uncategorized

Sorry no recap of last night’s episode. Technical difficulties are keeping me from posting it. Highlights included the Masterchef team pretending ‘vegan’ is a dietary requirement rather than a terrible lifestyle choice, people putting bread on low-carb dishes and cheese on lactose-free dishes, Sun straight-up stealing all of Peter’s ideas and Michael calling Billy a queen twice. Not okay, Michael.

Billy isn't even close to being in line to the throne

Disapproving royal niece also disapproves

The blue team won in the end, leaving Michael, Goth Matt, Craig, Alana, Peter and Dani to fight for survival in the pressure test. Craig is preparing for this by playing a mournful cello tune. Hayden is telling Michael that he can get through this, his fifth elimination. Dani has a phone! Is it Goth Matt’s? No, it’s okay, she has asked permission to call her dad. He tells her to harden up.

They arrive in the kitchen. It’s a challenge in the round. How will this work? Gary reminds Michael of his troubles. Michael doesn’t appreciate it. Dani hysterically shares her father’s words of wisdom – he advised her to just ‘cook good tucker’. Gary hugs her. As always, it’s creepy. He offers to cuddle Craig too, who refuses. Wise man.

Meanwhile, the blue team is having lunch and a Masterclass at Marque. They are learning how to quickly cook slow-cooked meat. What? Genius. Kumar is very taken with this, and I look forward to seeing his failed attempts to copy the technique in the next couple of days.

Back in the kitchen George explains the rules. In the first round, they will have fifteen minutes to produce a savoury dish. Three people will be cooking at a time. The worst person from each round will go to the elimination round. Worst two have to battle it out, 30 minutes to produce a dessert. The teams are decided at random, by the knife-pull.  Goth Matt, Michael, Craig are cooking first, followed by Peter, Dani and Alana.

First group are up. They’re off! There is some testosterone flying in the pantry. Michael’s doing steak tartare, Craig is doing quail and Goth Matt has stolen Craig’s idea and has taken a quail as well. He’s only using the legs, which the judges think is stupid.

Michael is poaching some garlic chips. The judges come over to bother him. Craig, meanwhile, is burning the crap out of his quail. Goth Matt is going well, unfortunately. There is an unbelievable amount of smoke coming off Craig’s pan. Goth Matt is gleeful. Eh, we all know you’re going home eventually, cheater.

Time’s up. Despondent, Craig snacks on his leftovers.

Judging time. Michael’s steak tartare looks pretty clumsy and he’s forgotten the egg. It is well-made, though, and Gary can only barely stop himself from eating it all. Craig’s quail and pancetta salad is tasty, but his quail breast is overcooked. Goth Matt has made quail with figs and jamon.  He has taken two whole quails and produced…three quail legs. He pretends this was a choice. The quail was well-cooked, but the addition of too much stuff ruins it.

Mutated for your tasting pleasure

Apparently this is the bird Goth Matt used

George thinks everything was delicious. Michael and Goth Matt’s dishes were slightly more delicious, though, leaving Craig to face elimination. Goth Matt is relieved. Not for long, buddy.

Dani, Alana and Peter are off. Alana goes for lamb cutlets, Dani is making a beef noodle salad and Peter also goes for lamb cutlets. He has found an enormous hammer to tenderise them with.

His confidence has grown enormously since going on this show

Peter tenderising his lamb cutlets

Alana is talking officiously about how important it is not to make glaring errors. Instantly, she makes a glaring error, failing to leave enough time to cook her cutlets. Peter’s trying something fancy-looking, which is definitely a mistake. Time’s up!

Dani’s dad would apparently consider her dish to be ‘good tucker’. Gary likes how healthy it seems, and George enjoys the beef. No criticism. Peter’s marinated cutlets and salad looks a bit messy, and he admits that he’s disappointed. It is extremely rare, but everything makes sense. Gary tells him to believe in himself. Alana has made a wankier version of Peter’s dish. Her cutlets are raw! Peter smirks.

Apparently not all three dishes were delicious this time. Dani and Peter are safe. Peter cries, thinks he’s finally doing something for him. This a thinly-veiled reference to his recent breakup. Dani exclaims ‘you bloody ripper!” then giggles. She should just embrace her bogan side; it appears to be her actual personality, and is much more bearable than her fake hipster attitude
Alana’s raw lamb did her in. She recaps what just happened. She’s annoying. Go Craig! They have thirty minutes to make a dessert. They’re off! Peter reckons they’re among the best at dessert.

Alana doesn’t want to make a dish that ‘isn’t her’. So far dishes that are ‘her’ are boring or substandard. Craig is making some weird William Tell dessert. The judges don’t really understand it, and Gary just demands delicious apple fritters.

'And then they all went and ate apple fritters'.

Dessert was not the point of this story

Alana makes the poached pears for her ‘hubby’ all the time. I didn’t think anyone outside of a New Idea magazine said ‘hubby’. It’s a good effort at ‘cooking from the heart’, but it’s no ‘this is how I remember my dead dad’. Gary agrees, and doesn’t think she’s got time.

George has never heard the story of William Tell. What?  Gary abandons his idiot co-host to go and bother the contestants. Alana is making a lot of things. This never goes well.

Fifteen minutes! Craig realises on prompting from Peter that he’s forgotten rosemary, which was meant to be his arrow. He runs out into the Masterchef garden to get some.  It’s pitch black. He can’t find it. This is ridiculous.

It is necessary as a fashion accessory however

This should not be necessary in the Masterchef kitchen

Five minutes to go, and Craig has finally returned, to bemused applause. They’re plating up. Alana knows that she hasn’t cooked the pears long enough. George, helpful as ever, encourages them to panic. Alana apparently enjoys raw poached pears. Craig’s dish looks exactly the way he expected; that is, totally weird.

Time’s up! Craig realises on seeing Alana’s normal-looking dish that he may be in trouble.

George asks if Alana thinks she’s done enough. She cries and avoids the question like a champ. Craig starts to explain the William Tell overture. George continues to look baffled, and Gary can barely keep a straight face.

Alana’s pear is crunchy. She’s in trouble. The red wine hasn’t infused at all. Her custard, syrup and ganache are great, but George’s doubts about the pear have proved correct. Craig’s dish looks less weird when the rosemary is removed. The soil and sabayon are delicious, but the fritters are not quite crunchy enough. Gary dreams of apple fritters.


Who doesn't?

Gary reminds them that the final choice is with him and George. The judges leave Craig and Alana standing there. Awkward.

Eventually the judges come back. Alana is safe. Craig is gone. Alana cries. She feels guilty. Why? It had nothing to do with you. Back to his job as a professional musician which he loves. My heart bleeds. Maybe he can make cookies for his orchestra co-workers.

As Craig leaves, Gary makes him bow. Craig does it. Alana curtseys. Gary’s bullying has reached new, hilarious heights.

Craig was welcomed back by the biggest party yet.  His special friend is equally stuck in the nineties as far as his fashion sense goes. That’s nice. Since leaving masterchef Craig is writing a cookbook, and the Queensland Symphony Orchestra is recording a cd to go with it. QSO are happy to cash in on the Masterchef phenomenon, clearly.

See you Sunday, as Matt Moran’s dad punches Michael in the face. I think we’re going to learn a lot about Matt Moran in this episode.

  1. Rob T says:

    It’s uber-ironic that Craig forgot to get the rosemary from the pantry until it was too late because rosemary represents remembrance. Sucked in Craig.

  2. Rose says:

    Thanks for the update; couldn’t watch as I was on a plane to Perth (no Margaret River sadly, boring conference – boo!). Sitting next to woman from Junior Masterchef team though! Win! I’ll fill you in on details later. PS – I say hubby, but I’m lame.

  3. Cat says:

    I think the ‘giant hammer’ was actually a saucepan 🙂

  4. Carmen says:

    missed your update yesterday, hope we get one tonight 🙂

    • Nic says:

      I second this request!! Deflates the start of my day when there is no update – particulary as I mostly cannot watch the straight to air eps as I get home too late but whenever I seem to watch it live your recaps are missing and to further admit how pathetic I am – I get excited about the potential narrative you will give to the episode (when I get to I watch them) but I’m just not witty enough to pull off writing them myself! So stop doing your uni work or extracurricular sporting activities and get back to writing recaps monkey…type, type, type! 😉

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