Masterchef Recap 5 June: The Grim Fandango

Posted: June 5, 2011 in Uncategorized

We’re back! In the Masterchef house, Arena has been using her personal training skills to whip Michael into shape, Craig has been teaching Hayden the cello and Kumar has been showing Ellie some tai chi or something. Has anyone been teaching cookery?

They head to the kitchen. Jay vows to continue his run of success, and Dani promises not to get so flustered and confused this time. Let’s see how this goes. Everyone will be cooking in the super invention test. All the contestants look exhausted, particularly poor little Hayden who seems to have lost his hat.

The theme is Spanish. This is the least complicated theme so far. Ellie disagrees, as she apparently hasn’t eaten Spanish food ever. Surely she’s had some ham before.

Hard to go wrong

Spanish cuisine

There are three pairs of core ingredients, and the contestants get to select their pair. This seems really easy. It’s lamb and anchovies, sherry and oranges, and squid and chorizo. They have seventy-five minutes, and get fifteen other ingredients. The winner gets a shot at immunity and the three worst face elimination. Blah, blah, blah.

They’re off! People seem less crazy and stressed in the pantry today. Actually, this entire thing seems low key. Maybe everyone’s worn out from WA. Jay is the first out and gets his pick of squid. Goth Matt has shaved off his beard. As a result he looks about twelve. He is rating his chances highly. As is everyone – this seems too easy.

Ha! Spoke too soon. Matt reveals that there is a challenge, and sends his enforcers around the benches. They’re swapping everyone’s baskets! This is fabulous.  Gary and George are loving themselves sick, happily menacing everyone.

Matt gets the oranges, and asks if they want him to lose. Gary adroitly avoids the question and mocks the ingredients instead. Jay’s also on desserts, which it turns out is his Achilles heel. Dani, stunned, just starts saying ‘Spanish’ over and over again.

Time starts, and everyone makes a lacklustre charge to the pans shelf. People are really learning about how stupid their competitors are. Shannon’s particularly unimpressed with the basket she’s received. In response, she does nothing.

Gary is mocking Matt again, asking why he’s not loving this since he loves Spanish food so much. Gary’s such a champ. Apparently Matt can’t eat anything in his basket because he’s lactose intolerant. There is no lactose in oranges you clown.

Dani decides make something ‘out there’. She then instantly changes her mind and makes Spanish trifle. Nothing is working for her, largely because she’s an idiot. Billy, nice man that he is, explains to her how to make a chocolate mousse. She ignores him. Bad decision.

Jay has gone to pieces. He is making churros, with bad grace and absolutely no idea what he’s doing. The judges don’t help him, in a shocking twist.

Matt is making a layered chocolate cake. Doesn’t sound Spanish to me. He’s an ‘instinctual’ cook, which usually means an ‘I don’t know how to cook things properly’ cook.. Ellie asks if he’s ok. He’s not. Good.

To kill time, George does a quite good flamenco dance. A new career?

I'd watch it

Future George

Ellie is stuck with Kumar’s basket, which is a pile of random junk. She’s responded by making everything. A brulee, stuffed peppers and a deep-fried egg. Gary warns her off making two dishes. She’s making about twelve.

Michael wants to catch the curveball and throw it back. That is not how you play baseball. He looks pretty excited in the commentary box, but it’s hard to tell if this is from victory or just the thrill of attention.

Jay is piping churros batter onto the floor and himself. His deep fryer basket is just a layer of batter.

Fifteen minutes to go!  Gary is sceptical of Matt’s lactose intolerance. He also thinks Dani’s sherry trifle’s going to be awful.  George is questioning Ellie’s choices. Gary’s upfront about the two dishes trap. He is just dropping truth bombs today.

Everything is still going wrong for Dani. She’s the only one who’s surprised. She just keeps adding stuff to her dish. Ellie’s weird deep fried egg doesn’t look pretty so she leaves it off. Wrong! Jay’s out of batter and batter ingredients. Matt’s cake his stuck in his tin. He smashes it. As usual, this is not the answer.

Gary counts down the final seconds in Spanish. They’re done. Matt is devastated, goes off to write a poem about his woe.

Judging time! Danielle apparently comes into every challenge wanting to win, which is embarrassing given she never does. Her dish today is amazing – potato bravas and lamb casserole. The judges line up to talk about how great it is. George loves her food’s honesty, soul, guts and high butter content.

Eat it with a spoon

Tonight's winning dish

Dani, who is coated in chocolate, is next. Her dish is inexplicable, looks awful, and tastes like stale sponge, dodgy mousse and canned cherries. Disaster. She says ‘sorry’ in an insufferable way. Go home.

Michael’s tapas of lamb isn’t plated particularly well but tastes unbelievably great. George claims that he knew as soon as he saw him he’d go a long way. That is wildly untrue; Michael is as non-descript as you can get.

Jay’s failure churros are next. Gary makes him explain why they are awful. His whipped cream is delicious, but on the other hand, it’s whipped cream. Gary’s nine-year-old could make it.

Arena’s stuffed squid looks amazing. It is bright and delicious. She thanks Matt meekly for his praise. She has the personality of a stuffed squid.

She then squirted ink everywhere and fled

Arena's reaction to her success

Ellie is totally lost and has made a pepper stuffed with everything she could find. Binned her brulee and her egg.  Gary calls it ‘strangely unpleasant’ and chuckles. He might eat it if he was drunk. After a bit more of this, he makes Ellie cry. George hugs her, but refuses to hug Gary. Not unreasonable. Ellie tastes her dish and realises that it’s ridiculously awful. Gary is reminded of his nine year old daughter again and feels bad.

Goth Matt’s up. Chocolate tart with Spanish candied fruits. It looks appalling. Gary starts grimacing early. George reckons it’s stupid, and Gary refuses to comment. Matt thinks the problem was the plating.

Shannon’s dish looks good – three types of tapas. I’d eat it. The judges agree. She’s done a good job. So have the other contestants, apparently, because we’re done.

Decision time! Arena, Quirky Danielle, Shannon and Michael are the top four.  I guess Billy can’t win all the time. According to Matt, the dish that danced the fandango on the judge’s tongues was Danielle’s! She’s stoked as she’s wanted to be in an immunity challenge since she knew they existed – so, what, since last season?

The three worst dishes are Jay, Dani and Ellie. Goth Matt escapes again! How does he keep doing this? George tells him that he was number four. Jay thinks that people who call him over-competitve haven’t seen anything yet.

See you tomorrow as Jay wins by default after murdering everyone else in their sleep.

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Comments
  1. Crystal says:

    I firmly believe Gary and George (George in particular) made Ellie cry so they could fondle her. Dirty old geezers.

  2. Showbee says:

    ^ That’s exactly what I was thinking!

  3. Carmen says:

    Hilarious recap, great job! Will stop watching the repeditive time consuming episodes and read your recap instead from now on

  4. Ronald says:

    I would have preferred there to have been less time concentrating on the likes of danielle and a bit more time looking at what some of the others actually made??? What is with the selective viewing? Also thought it was hilarious to see jay brought down a few pegs, just goes to show it never pays to be too overconfident.

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