Masterchef Recap 22 May: Not-So-Lucky Dip

Posted: May 22, 2011 in Uncategorized

Back in the Masterchef house, we see a little bit of the personal side of the contestants. Apparently Chelsea’s personal side involves dressing like she’s the reincarnation of Cleopatra. This is too much personal side.

Actually this is more subdued than Chelsea

This is hard to carry off

Matt Moran’s back for the Sunday Mystery Box. As is his wont, he’s stuffing around with the format. It’s an invention test slash mystery box test? And the contestants are broken into seven teams of three? I stopped paying attention for five seconds and I’m totally confused. Everyone starts fighting about who they want to be in their team – don’t go with Goth Matt!
Once the teams are resolved we learn that this challenge combines both the unknown and danger! How exciting. There are seven mystery core ingredients, and seven mystery techniques that have to be used. This is so complicated. Everyone gets a pair at random – the best team will all have a shot at immunity, the worst will all be up for elimination.

Sun, Pete and Craig get pork and en papiliotte. What the hell is that? Apparently it means ‘cook in paper’. What? Craig’s idea is  ‘pigs in a bag’. Thanks for helping, Craig.

I own twelve

Rachel, Alana and Kate get ‘lamb’ and ‘fry’. Well, that one was less complicated. Sun tries to murder them with her mind. Meanwhile, Billy, Kumar and Adam get ‘venison’ and ‘roast’. Another gimmie. Billy nearly explodes with delight.
Chelsea, Ellie and Rachel are not so lucky. They get ‘octopus’ and ‘smoke’. The general consensus amongst the judges is that they are stuffed. It sounds appalling.

The worst team of the evening – Matt, Shannon and Andrew – get ‘scallops’ and ‘braise’. That sounds appalling. Good thing all of those people are awful!

Michael, Hayden and Jay get ‘snapper’ and ‘en croute’. What? Jay is baffled. Michael knows – it means ‘wrapped in pastry. They should make a sweet fish pie. Meanwhile, Dani, Danielle and Cleo get ‘squab’ and ‘poaching’. Nobody knows how to poach. Cleo does not deserve this terrible team.

They’ve got seventy-five minutes, including fifteen minutes in the pantry. Everyone panics. Some people plan, others just grab everything. I am a fan of the latter approach.  Seriously, just get all of the things.

Matt Moran comes to talk to the en papiliotte team to explain how to actually cook something in paper. They decide to ignore his advice. This sounds like something that will go well. I blame Craig.

Moran continues his tour of trouble and ends up mocking the smoked octopus team. Ellie is pretty open about hating ‘smoking as a technique’. Moran doesn’t help them, but confirms the fact that it’s difficult. Chelsea is taking charge – if Ellie and Rachel don’t resist this, more fool them.

It is just chaos in the masterchef kitchen. Cleo is trying to carry her entire team as Dani and Danielle have a quirky-off.  Meanwhile, Rachel doesn’t know how to get the pressure cooker lid off. Smash it with a spoon!

Shannon is so awful. Her and Matt are making zucchini flowers stuffed with black pudding mouse. The judges looove it, ruining my dream of Goth Matt going home this week.  Kate starts talking up the problems of ‘lamb’ and ‘fry’. Nobody buys it. They’re doing it totally wrong though, so who knows.

Matt Moran has gotten bored and is prowling round the kitchen looking for failure. He finds it more or less everywhere, but particularly with Dani’s nasty sauce. His neck ruff extends.

Only in times of great stress or pressure

In an attempt to make itself look bigger, the wild Moran expands its neck ruff

Everyone is in a plating frenzy! Chelsea’s panicking as this challenge prevents her from thieving food item. Cleo listens to quirky Danielle. Mistake! Too late now – it’s all over.

Judging time. Pork en papiliotte is up – they’ve served it in the paper! Why? Sun wanted to call it three little pigs but was clearly outvoted. Matt class it a  ‘beautiful and pleasant surprise’. Damn.

Team Fried Lamb is next. They’ve made a pan-fried lamb cutlet. With fried lamb’s brain! This basically has to be perfect.  Moran doesn’t get the overcooked lamb chop. George’s mum fed him chicken nuggets that were actually brains. Explains a lot about George. These are better! George makes an awful ‘brains’ pun.

Snapper en croute team have not made a fish pie, inexplicably. They’ve instead made overcooked parcels. Hayden is officially not a fan of group work.

Onto poached squab, and it’s clear that useless Dani has left her team down. It’s underdone – Matt Preston channels his inner daredevil and eats it. It’s far too raw. Dani whispers ‘sorry’ as they leave – that doesn’t make up for you being awful, buddy.

Team braised scallop is up, with zucchini flowers stuffed with scallop and black pudding mousse. Goth Matt is unhappy with his performance. So am I. Apparently they’re delicious – still seems like cheating though.

Kumar struts up with team roast venison. It looks awesome, but George has an issue with the sauce. It tastes like raw red wine. I love raw wine! Regardless, everything is perfectly cooked.

The smoked octopus disaster zone is last. The ominous music complements the strange plate of junk they serve. It’s octopus, plus zucchini flower, plus a giant hunk of unsauced pasta. Matt Preston says the three elements didn’t talk to each other. Ellie nearly cries, and Chelsea looks for food to steal.

That VCR is delicious

Chelsea caught in action

Decision time! The best dish goes to…Sun, Peter and Craig, team pork in paper! I don’t really want any of these people to get immunity.

The winners leave and the worst dish is revealed. This is always more fun. Unsurprisingly it’s team smoked octopus. Ellie, Rachel and Chelsea will be fighting it out. Apparently literally everything about this dish sucked. It tasted like a lemon cheesecake to Moran – has he had a stroke? No, it was a weird metaphor. Anyway, they’re awful. George tries to eke out the tears. Mary McKillop didn’t help Rachel tonight! Chelsea cries, again. Ellie and Chelsea hug, which is awkward for Rachel.

Tomorrow, the three stooges fight it out. C’mon Ellie!

  1. Moran4Ever says:

    Good post. Matthew does look like a lizard. I like lizards.

    Why didn’t you call this post “smoken not stirred” or “up in smoke”? They would be better names.

  2. bru says:

    why do you have the Masterclass off

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