Masterchef Recap May 18: The Curse is Lifted

Posted: May 18, 2011 in Episode Recap, Uncategorized

You know who we haven’t seen much of? Purported permanent judge Matt Moran. This is not a complaint.

The contestants are getting ready for their day when Rachel arrives with a letter! It’s time to leave the house for some bonding – they’re going to the Mean Fiddler hotel. Bond off camera, guys, I’m not interested.

They arrive at the hotel – it’s huge! This place serves 700 people a night. And Matt Moran is there. Damn! Stop toying with me, Masterchef.

This comes up if you google 'sneaky man-lizard'. Well, maybe it does now.

No punchline. This picture's real.

Matt asks if anyone’s been here before. Once again, Jay is the only one! How does he keep doing this? I think he’s stolen the producer’s notes. The contestants are slowly realising that they’re not there to get drunk with George and Gary. Sure enough, they’re cooking for everyone tonight. Was the community warned about this before they turned up for a nice pub meal?

The two teams have to impress the customers, the judges and not totally destroy the kitchen. I reckon these guys would struggle with any one of those things.

Matt Moran declares it’s a girls versus boys contest this time! That is stupid. He’s made the girls the blue team! One win hasn’t lifted the curse – Moran is basically picking the boys as his favourites. Nobody is surprised.

The captains are picked on the basis of getting the wrong apron. Awesomely, the two worst choices are tapped. Rachel and Andrew. This is great as ‘captain’ seems to mean ‘extra shot at elimination’.

The blue team gets George, while the red team get man’s man Matt Moran. Moran is basically dictating their menu to them, demanding béarnaise sauce. George is considerably less helpful.

Rachel is using her P&C experience to order everyone around, running around getting in people’s way. She’s causing chaos. Meanwhile, Andrew is taking an overseer role, in the sense that he’s completely ineffective.

Matt the IT Goth is dropping his steak on the floor. He’s also cutting them irregularly! Awesome. Moran is right for once – if I got a smaller steak than my friends I would make serious trouble.

Chelsea automatically takes the role of meat woman. Jay is making surf and turf but calling it ship to shore. I love that show.

Oh no, Moran won’t be getting his béarnaise sauce – they don’t have any shallots! This seems unlikely. Andrew probably just doesn’t know what a shallot looks like.

Arena decides to throw the tiny meat offcuts onto an open grill. Shockingly, this causes a massive fat fire. It causes Craig to fear for his life. To her credit Arena appears to have no fear of fire – or maybe she thinks this is normal. Finally some chef comes and puts it out. Rachel mothers her.

Although they should

Masterchefs don't use these.

Some lady who has never spoken before is making shortcakes. Who is she? Kumar and Seamus are making a smashed pavlova. Hard to go wrong with whipped cream.

The blue team has made a terrible jus from the charred remnants of Arena’s offcuts.. They just had a jus-based masterclass! George tells them not to use it. Rachel reckons she can save it. Early call – this is going to end badly.

It’s becoming clear that Andrew has the leadership ability of a lemming. He’s unable to organise a side salad for the steak. A few people decide to make one out of random stuff at the last minute, which will also presumably end badly.

Customers are arriving, which seems to take everyone totally by surprise. Both teams are appalling. George has never seen a kitchen this bad! Well, apart from last year.

Matt the ginger goth is making steaks. Why did he get this job? He declares that he doesn’t even know how he is cooking his steak. Turns out he’s not cooking them at all – everyone’s sending raw meat back like crazy. You do not go to a pub for blue meat. Matt responds by sulking and switching to wildly overcooking his meat.

The red team sends out some particularly nasty-looking steak plates, and Matt Moran reveals that they are for the judges. Andrew immediately tells his team and is catty about the steaks. Leadership. The meat is judged as dry and badly cut, and Moran complains about the lack of béarnaise.

Adam is wandering around shilling their pork belly, but gets rejected by everyone who’s had something they’ve cooked. He finally coerces a small child into eating it. Jay talks himself up! Nothing you say in the box protects you from elimination. While the scallops look awful, the judges think they’re delicious – victory music. Damn.

The blue team is still setting things on fire – it’s Chelsea this time. She’s overcooking steaks, but not as badly as Goth Matt.  It’s a pub, so plenty of customers are happy with overcooked meat. George is annoyed that they’ve used the sauce. Fair enough, it’s horrible. The major flavours are gravy powder and fire.

This is actually delicious

Burn gravy like a Masterchef does.

Dani’s cooking and plating up the salt and pepper prawns. She’s pleased that she doesn’t have to work with any other crazy women (direct quote), not unreasonably. They’re lovely! The judges eat them all. Victory music! The customers are also loving it.

Burger time! Kate is making them for the blue team. I think she’s a silent achiever. She’s doing the weird thing where you put the burger on the plate in two halves. It takes the judges five minutes to identify BBQ sauce.

Time for the smashed pav. Turns out that Kumar’s making it with Seamus fucking around in the background. George can’t wait to eat it due to the high cream content.  They love it! The small children are also particularly keen.

Meanwhile, mystery woman Shannon is making a strawberry shortcake. Matt nitpicks the presentation as he wants the boys to win. It’s a nothing desert, described as ‘bland and raw’. Hard to come back from that.

Service finishes and the pub hasn’t been burnt to the ground.  Time for judging.

The red team are first. Their positives are that they made quick (but not good) decisions, plus the pork belly and the pav.

The list of negatives is significantly longer. Matt thinks it’s ‘really weird’ that the judges didn’t get any mushroom sauce and had overcooked steak, and is similarly surprised to hear that the customers hated the dish. He’s a terrible actor – just own up already! Moran also didn’t like the awful side salad. Peter takes fake responsibility but largely drops Andrew in it for his non-existent leadership skills. Andrew can’t handle the truth.

Why yes, I did expect Paul the Pilot to be around for longer.

Screenshot of Peter dropping truth bombs

The blue team is next. Dani’s prawns were the dish of the day! Dani’s stoked. The burger was also a hit. Gary asks who thought of putting onions, sauce and cheese on the burger? Kate. Also, everyone who’s ever made a burger.

The negatives are Arena’s sauce and Rachel’s stupid decision to use it. Also, the huge life-threatening fire was a miss. Shannon’s lame shortbread was apparently a big problem too. Is this why we’ve never seen Shannon before?

The winner is the blue team! Maybe the curse is broken after all. The red team is not happy. Can Goth Matt be auto-eliminated? No. The promo shows them all cooking. He struggles with cooking, so there’s still hope.

See you tomorrow for the most intense elimination challenge since last week!

  1. Nattyv63 says:

    Just found this blog through the Masterchef Fbook page (thanks Fiona and Leeanne!) Hilarious! Love acerbic wit particularly about reality tv. Keep up the great work!

  2. Cheezelubber says:

    I posted about this blog on the MC Facebook page and it’s since been removed. Censorship! The savage honesty is obviously too much for the faceless machine men of MC to handle.

    Perhaps the Matt Moran dummy spit of yesterweek was actually about the fact he is the bad guy of this blog (in case people don’t remember ––why-matt-moran-really-boiled-over-20110510-1egme.html)

    Speaking of bad guys, I’m quite enjoying the development of the villains so far and I agree with the producers choices in who they are installing into these roles. I like that now we’re into the top 24 and I can work out who is great and who I hate.

    My hate list so far;

    Matt Moran obviously.

    Gary more and more with every epie. Lest we forget the way he lashed out when he and George were in a pressure test themselves last season. He’s also so condescending it makes my brow furrow involuntarily.

    Matt the goth – Hate him. Take responsibility for your mistakes and stop riding a skateboard. You are a decade too old. Can’t wait until he’s off the show and far away in Melbourne smoking bongs and playing Warcraft where he clearly belongs.

    Chelsea the thief – The producers didn’t even have to do anything to make me dislike her. She is awful and annoying as well as being the MasterThief (good call gastrognome).

    Sun, sorry, Sooun – Could she be the most annoying contestant this show has ever seen? I grew up in a somewhat alternative community and people like her are the reason I left. Just found out she grew up as a Hari Krishna. Perhaps she was named after those stickers they’re always selling.

    Rachael the Mum – She is the kind of person who would make her kids friends call her Mrs McSweeney and to tell you to “smile” in a singsong voice when you feel like crap. Boo!

    Controversial as I know this will be with the blogmaster, I have yet to make up my mind about Jay. Yes he takes the show to seriously, is annoying and does stupid things, but he is the Aussie battler of the series and seems to be one of the few not from a privileged middleclass background;

    “I left school when I was 14 to pursue a career in fishing tackle retail. My whole life at that stage was absolutely engrossed in fishing and I followed that for about 10 years where I managed two of Sydney’s biggest fishing tackle stores.”

    Come on! Tell me that’s not gold.

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