You know who we haven’t seen much of? Purported permanent judge Matt Moran. This is not a complaint.
The contestants are getting ready for their day when Rachel arrives with a letter! It’s time to leave the house for some bonding – they’re going to the Mean Fiddler hotel. Bond off camera, guys, I’m not interested.
They arrive at the hotel – it’s huge! This place serves 700 people a night. And Matt Moran is there. Damn! Stop toying with me, Masterchef.
Matt asks if anyone’s been here before. Once again, Jay is the only one! How does he keep doing this? I think he’s stolen the producer’s notes. The contestants are slowly realising that they’re not there to get drunk with George and Gary. Sure enough, they’re cooking for everyone tonight. Was the community warned about this before they turned up for a nice pub meal?
The two teams have to impress the customers, the judges and not totally destroy the kitchen. I reckon these guys would struggle with any one of those things.
Matt Moran declares it’s a girls versus boys contest this time! That is stupid. He’s made the girls the blue team! One win hasn’t lifted the curse – Moran is basically picking the boys as his favourites. Nobody is surprised.
The captains are picked on the basis of getting the wrong apron. Awesomely, the two worst choices are tapped. Rachel and Andrew. This is great as ‘captain’ seems to mean ‘extra shot at elimination’.
The blue team gets George, while the red team get man’s man Matt Moran. Moran is basically dictating their menu to them, demanding béarnaise sauce. George is considerably less helpful.
Rachel is using her P&C experience to order everyone around, running around getting in people’s way. She’s causing chaos. Meanwhile, Andrew is taking an overseer role, in the sense that he’s completely ineffective.
Matt the IT Goth is dropping his steak on the floor. He’s also cutting them irregularly! Awesome. Moran is right for once – if I got a smaller steak than my friends I would make serious trouble.
Chelsea automatically takes the role of meat woman. Jay is making surf and turf but calling it ship to shore. I love that show.
Oh no, Moran won’t be getting his béarnaise sauce – they don’t have any shallots! This seems unlikely. Andrew probably just doesn’t know what a shallot looks like.
Arena decides to throw the tiny meat offcuts onto an open grill. Shockingly, this causes a massive fat fire. It causes Craig to fear for his life. To her credit Arena appears to have no fear of fire – or maybe she thinks this is normal. Finally some chef comes and puts it out. Rachel mothers her.
Some lady who has never spoken before is making shortcakes. Who is she? Kumar and Seamus are making a smashed pavlova. Hard to go wrong with whipped cream.
The blue team has made a terrible jus from the charred remnants of Arena’s offcuts.. They just had a jus-based masterclass! George tells them not to use it. Rachel reckons she can save it. Early call – this is going to end badly.
It’s becoming clear that Andrew has the leadership ability of a lemming. He’s unable to organise a side salad for the steak. A few people decide to make one out of random stuff at the last minute, which will also presumably end badly.
Customers are arriving, which seems to take everyone totally by surprise. Both teams are appalling. George has never seen a kitchen this bad! Well, apart from last year.
Matt the ginger goth is making steaks. Why did he get this job? He declares that he doesn’t even know how he is cooking his steak. Turns out he’s not cooking them at all – everyone’s sending raw meat back like crazy. You do not go to a pub for blue meat. Matt responds by sulking and switching to wildly overcooking his meat.
The red team sends out some particularly nasty-looking steak plates, and Matt Moran reveals that they are for the judges. Andrew immediately tells his team and is catty about the steaks. Leadership. The meat is judged as dry and badly cut, and Moran complains about the lack of béarnaise.
Adam is wandering around shilling their pork belly, but gets rejected by everyone who’s had something they’ve cooked. He finally coerces a small child into eating it. Jay talks himself up! Nothing you say in the box protects you from elimination. While the scallops look awful, the judges think they’re delicious – victory music. Damn.
The blue team is still setting things on fire – it’s Chelsea this time. She’s overcooking steaks, but not as badly as Goth Matt. It’s a pub, so plenty of customers are happy with overcooked meat. George is annoyed that they’ve used the sauce. Fair enough, it’s horrible. The major flavours are gravy powder and fire.
Dani’s cooking and plating up the salt and pepper prawns. She’s pleased that she doesn’t have to work with any other crazy women (direct quote), not unreasonably. They’re lovely! The judges eat them all. Victory music! The customers are also loving it.
Burger time! Kate is making them for the blue team. I think she’s a silent achiever. She’s doing the weird thing where you put the burger on the plate in two halves. It takes the judges five minutes to identify BBQ sauce.
Time for the smashed pav. Turns out that Kumar’s making it with Seamus fucking around in the background. George can’t wait to eat it due to the high cream content. They love it! The small children are also particularly keen.
Meanwhile, mystery woman Shannon is making a strawberry shortcake. Matt nitpicks the presentation as he wants the boys to win. It’s a nothing desert, described as ‘bland and raw’. Hard to come back from that.
Service finishes and the pub hasn’t been burnt to the ground. Time for judging.
The red team are first. Their positives are that they made quick (but not good) decisions, plus the pork belly and the pav.
The list of negatives is significantly longer. Matt thinks it’s ‘really weird’ that the judges didn’t get any mushroom sauce and had overcooked steak, and is similarly surprised to hear that the customers hated the dish. He’s a terrible actor – just own up already! Moran also didn’t like the awful side salad. Peter takes fake responsibility but largely drops Andrew in it for his non-existent leadership skills. Andrew can’t handle the truth.
The blue team is next. Dani’s prawns were the dish of the day! Dani’s stoked. The burger was also a hit. Gary asks who thought of putting onions, sauce and cheese on the burger? Kate. Also, everyone who’s ever made a burger.
The negatives are Arena’s sauce and Rachel’s stupid decision to use it. Also, the huge life-threatening fire was a miss. Shannon’s lame shortbread was apparently a big problem too. Is this why we’ve never seen Shannon before?
The winner is the blue team! Maybe the curse is broken after all. The red team is not happy. Can Goth Matt be auto-eliminated? No. The promo shows them all cooking. He struggles with cooking, so there’s still hope.
See you tomorrow for the most intense elimination challenge since last week!