Masterchef Recap 17 May: Pie vs Jay

Posted: May 17, 2011 in Uncategorized

The motorbike out the front of the kitchen has been explained! Matt Preston reckons it’s a reflection of the show they want to make. How butch do they want this show to get? It’s a cooking show. The scooter was pushing it.

Shirtless Jay is waking up to his big day. The room has four other beds but nobody’s sleeping in them. Either nobody wants to share a room with this guy – not impossible – or it’s a staged shot, in which case you have to wonder why he didn’t put a shirt on.

Jay eventually gets dressed and gets to the kitchen. Chelsea thinks that he looks cute in his chef whites. He does not.


He looks like this.

Guest judge! Andrew McConnell, Melbourne’s chef of the year. Yeah, I don’t know either. He says nothing and looks a bit boring.

Jay is staring slack-jawed at the judges. His competition enters – it’s Colin Fassnidge who is a seven-foot tall Irishman. So in a week we’ve gone from ‘apprentice’ to ‘actual chef’? This show doesn’t muck around.

Colin’s a bit familiar, giving Jay a kiss on his big round head. Turns out Jay did a pre-Masterchef practice stint in his kitchen. Did the judges know this? Apparently not. Colin reckons he needs to find a new job if he loses. Correct!

George, Matt and Boring Guest Judge leave and the dish is brought up. Gary’s sticking around to make trouble. It’s a steak and kidney pie with mashed potato pie and fancy vegies.

Colin hasn’t made pastry since he was in college! And he was hungover at the time. Too bad for him, because unlike Jay he doesn’t get the recipe and has to go and collect the ingredients himself. He looks unimpressed.

But wait, Jay’s been handicapped too – they’re forcing him to read the recipe on the unbelievably stupid Telstra T-pad thing in some spectacularly inappropriate product placement. A fiddly touch screen is exactly what you want when you’ve got hands covered in flour.

Who has a home phone anyway?

"Why yes, I would like to squint at a tiny screen!"

Jay’s off, getting on with the pastry. Colin’s full of advice. Given that he doesn’t know how to make pastry this is questionably useful. Even Jay knows that this guy doesn’t make pastry! This is not the first time that Jay’s been suspiciously well-prepared for a challenge.

Colin starts, cooking three things at once and continuing to shout advice at Jay. He’s making his own suet pastry, rather than packet mix like Jay. The peanut gallery are all astounded and he tells them they’re easily impressed. That’s true! Quirky Danielle is swooning.

When Gary comes to annoy him Colin tells him to piss off and get him a cup of tea. Colin is great.

Jay’s pastry sucks, and he doesn’t really have enough. It tears, and he declares that as he doesn’t understand why it’s tearing he’s just going to keep doing the same thing. It tears again. Gary comes to help and tells him to make some more pastry. Given that he doesn’t have enough to make a pie lid currently, this is solid if obvious advice.

Jay is set to panic when Colin gives him his spare pastry. So much sharing this year!

Colin hasn’t seen a pressure cooker since he was a child. Seems to know how to use it though – you run it under cold water to open it. On seeing the results he decides to buy one. I want one too! It will go with my slowcooker.

Jay is less on top of the pressure cooker. Rather than listening to the people who keep telling him to run it under cold water, he tries to rip the lid off. When that doesn’t work he smashes it with a spoon. Eventually he smashes the button off! His reaction to this is to keep smashing.

Thank god for elastic pants.


Eventually Gary explains how to actually open it. Gary is basically a contestant these days. Where’s Colin’s tea, Gary?

Colin hasn’t quite got his pie in on time, so gambles with high heat. He gets it out of the springlock tin perfectly – despite Gary coming over to bother him – and it’s perfect. And he’s plated up! Easy.

Jay’s struggles with machinery aren’t over. He also can’t work the springlock tin. That is not hard. He balances it precariously and tries to push it out from the bottom. Gary stops him before he smashes his pie on the ground like the spoilsport he is. Colin, bored of standing around, helps Jay get it out. The pie cracks all over the place, but clever Colin hides the worst gaps with cunning vegetable placement while Jay stands around looking confused. Colin’s a nice man.

Judging time! Colin’s up first. The presentation is great, and Matt is excited by how much butter is in the potatoes. Seriously, just serve up a dish of butter. Everything’s delicious! George has to be restrained from drinking the gravy. Boring Guest Judge nitpicks about the base. Are they chef rivals? Do they have a feud?

Plate two with its collapsed disaster pie is next. The judges have a stab at pretending they don’t know it’s Jay’s. Colin’s attempt to hide the bits missing is detected. Pie filling is, in George’s expert words, ‘not good’. Desperate victory music plays as Matt praises the mash – nobody is buying that this is close, guys.

The judges return to reveal their decision. Not a lot of suspense here, but they’re still giving it a go. When Gary reveals which dish is which they do some amazingly unconvincing fake-surprise faces.

I bought it

Screenshot of George

Jay gets sixes from Boring Guest Judge and George and a seven from Matt. Jay is stoked as he’d rated it a five. What do you have to do to get a five around here? Surely ‘not good’ pie filling is in five territory.

Colin’s pretending to get nervous. He gets a nine from George and Matt, and an eight from the jealous Boring Guest Judge. An easy win. He and Jay hug. Jay’s thirty one! He looks about sixteen! Shock of the night.

No immunity for Jay. Tomorrow the Masterchef contestants attempt to burn down a pub.

  1. CWA Rocks says:

    The pie was the clear winner of the night.
    No, scratch that, butter and suet were.

  2. noah says:

    “When Gary comes to annoy him Colin tells him to piss off and get him a cup of tea.”

    This is exactly the moment that I decided that Masterchef needs to be all about this guy from now on

    • Cheezelubber says:

      Did nobody else pick up that “nice guy” Colin was watching how Jay made the pastry with the pretence of helping him out?

      Come on.

  3. Crystal says:

    Your recaps are amazing. I look forward to reading this blog more than the show haha.

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