Why did I just have to listen to an entire Glee song?
It’s serious business in the Masterchef waterfront mansion. Alex is aware that he has failed before, and has decided not to fail today. That’s not how that works. Meanwhile, Ellie’s new surrogate mother Rachel gives her a lucky charm, a piece of the true cross – no, it’s just a Mary McKillop medal. No wonder surprise god-botherer Gary likes her.
Finally some backstory on Billy – he misses his partner, his awesome dog and his blog. Masterchef has really lifted their game, allowing two contestants so far to talk about their same-sex partners straight from word go without resorting to vague terms. Progress!
Ellie, Alex and Billy are back in the kitchen wearing the black aprons of doom. Matt Preston is wearing a lovely purple plaid suit. He looks so rad this year. Purple plaid, it turns out, is actually very slimming.
The pressure test rules haven’t changed – same recipe, same ingredients and the same time to cook it in. Gary drinks in their nervousness and laughs. They’ll be making a cherry and coconut bombe Alaska.
This thing is crazy! Cherry sorbet, covered in coconut icecream, covered in sponge and finally covered in meringue. Ellie thinks it looks simple. She’s blind. How do you even cook this thing? Oh, awesome, there’s a blowtorch involved.
I think Alex has to be the one to go. Billy and Ellie are clearly superior cooks. Let’s see how this goes.
And they’re off! Ellie thinks about reading the recipe, but decides to start panicking instead. Alex believes in his ability to follow a recipe. I don’t. Billy’s adapting the recipe. This doesn’t usually go well. He does seem to know what he’s doing.
Fifteen minutes and Alex is dropping behind. As usual everyone just starts helping him. He has not started. It’s not even complex advice – ‘stir your cream’, ‘start cooking’, ‘stop being such a fool’. He ignores it all.
Ellie has finally stopped panicking, so Gary comes and tells her she’s going too slowly. She panics and he feeds on it. Nom nom nom. Alex also doesn’t think he’s falling behind. Here’s a clue for you mate, when George asks ‘are you falling behind?’ you are falling behind. Meanwhile, Billy’s gunning it.
Alex reckons he’s very tenacious. No, you’re actually just a bit bad at this. He is stick-blending his overcooked custard. Blending something does not make it less overcooked.
The peanut gallery is yelling random conflicting advice at Ellie. She is a nice lady so she’s trying to follow all of it at once. It’s not going so well. George gets her to declare that she’s the chef, then undermines her newfound sense of authority by calling her ‘good girl’. She’s not twelve, despite appearances.
Billy is continuing to mess around with the recipe! The judges aren’t helping him at all. He makes funny coloured sponge – he’s forgotten the flour. How? Not shown. Nobody helps! Help him you bastards! They’re jealous of his blog.
Finally someone tells Billy about the flour. He salvages it. Don’t worry Billy, you can be incapable of making sponge and almost win this thing.
Matt Preston slowly explains to Alex that warm sponge will melt the icecream. It genuinely didn’t occur to him. Now he is just staring at the recipe again. As usual this is a trainwreck.
Gary suggests that everyone panic! He feeds on negative emotions. He is the Dementor of Masterchef.
Billy is a genius. He has molded the icecream in a smaller bowl. That is brilliant. The peanut gallery doesn’t believe it’ll work but he succeeds! Winner.
Alex has made sweet egg soup rather than meringue. Gary tells him it’s not going to work and and starts actively helping him. This is ridiculous. He has to go. Gary’s basically making his meringue and sponge for him. What bizarre hold does Alex have over this man?
Oh yeah, it’s blowtorch time. Ellie’s bombe is perfect. Billy’s is even more perfect. He is a wizard. Now George is helping Alex as well! Alex reads the recipe again. Sun correctly observes that he is useless.
Billy is making piping rosettes! It looks totally weird. He’s covering for seriously dodgy meringue. Ellie’s is done and beautiful. She’s a silent achiever. George tells Alex to stop stuffing around. Too late for that. His bombe holds its form. Everything that Gary made for him is great, unsurprisingly.
Now Alex is slooooowly spreading his meringue. Literally everyone is yelling at him to hurry up and blowtorch it. He doesn’t do it for ages. Idiot. Somehow he plates up. He has to go.
Judging time! Ellie’s first. It looks perfect. She cuts it open and the icecream has stayed set! It’s amazing! The judges are as pleased as her. She’s really pulled this out of the bag. George claims it’s too good to eat, then eats it. Her flavours are perfect. Matt Preston starts eating more out of the middle of the cake.
Alex is next with his stupid cheat cake. He hopes he’s done enough to get through. You demonstrably haven’t. Gary is pleased for him. Is Alex blackmailing him or something? Cuts it open and the icecream has totally melted. Everyone likes the meringue. Gary’s a professional chef, of course he makes good meringue.
Billy is last with his weird-looking creative experiment. He seriously should have followed the recipe. George helpfully tells him that his variations will either be better or worse than the original. Matt hates the presentation, but his icecream is super delicious. Somehow this is close!
Decision time! The judges bang on again about how delicious the meringue on Alex’s was. Stop it, Gary will get a big head. A bigger head. Does Alex think he deserves to be here? Against all evidence, he does.
They’re dragging this out. Billy is a self-taught cook, to Matt Preston’s surprise. He gets a bit teary thinking of his partner and friends.
Ellie’s dish gets nothing but praise. She wins! Gary confirms that they are on a TV show, and that Ellie’s family will be able to watch her succeed. Ellie’s flying under the radar no longer.
It’s down to Alex and Billy. Stop stringing this out! I will personally riot if Alex cheats his way through. FLAMEBALL.
Billy is safe! Justice has been served. This show is not great for my blood pressure. We see a montage of Alex not cooking things, setting things on fire, dropping things. Gary thinks he’ll be missed. By who?
Alex’s hipster friends are pleased to see him, at least. Since leaving masterchef he has…moved to Melbourne and failed to secure an apprenticeship. At least he’s trying.
See you tomorrow as Jay makes us respect his authority.