Masterchef Recap 15 May: Myxomatosis for Everyone!

Posted: May 15, 2011 in Uncategorized

This Masterchef house looks more and more impressive every time we see it.  They’ve even got a person trainer, which only the ladies are using. Apparently the dynamic in the house has changed since Tom’s departure – everyone has realised they’re in a competition. A few people tell us that they think it’s time to really show their strength as cooks. Surely it’s always time to cook good on this show. That’s the point.

Back in the kitchen, and Matt Preston is wearing a rad paisley shirt. He looks like a couch. A couch with a bad fake tan. Two people are getting eliminated every week! They’re really cracking through these guys – I still don’t know everyone’s name.

Tonight is Mystery Box night. Rachel doesn’t know what’s in the mystery box! Neither do I. That is the source of its mystery.

Apparently this year’s top twenty four are stronger cooks than the judges expecting. Really? How bad were they expecting them to be? Alex is still here, after all. Regardless, they’ve amped up the difficulty. The contestants are to make one dish using every single ingredient in the box. Excellent idea! They are cracking down on lame cheaters this year.

The box has a rabbit, pancetta and some weird vegies. The highlight is the mustard fruits. Mustard fruits? Nobody’s got any idea what they are. Dani reckons she’s just going to use her intuition to make it work. George, who’s missing Paul – aren’t we all – reckons it’s lucky she’s not flying a plane. Given that she doesn’t know how to, I guess that is true.

Most of these buttons are for show
This is next week’s mystery box challenge

The winner gets a shot at immunity and the bottom three get a pressure test. Alex is definitely going to be in the bottom three. Calling it early.

Everyone’s either making pasta or wrapping rabbit in pancetta. Some people are doing both. The leg is the favourite cut. Is that the good bit, or do people think it’s lucky? So boring. Should have made the mustard fruits the hero of the dish.

No, really.

This is where mustard comes from, I guess.

Alex is making a kidney mousse, also wrapped in pancetta. This would be great if he could actually cook. Coming from him it sounds like a trainwreck. He is keen to win the challenge. A more realistic goal is ‘stay out of the bottom three’. He won’t get there.

Jay wants to stamp his authority on the competition – this is an actual quote. He’s really putting his hand up as a villain. He’s cooking something boring but plating it in a pretentious way.

Chelsea grabs Hayden’s pasta out of the fridge instead of her own. Hayden waits until she’s rolled it out before telling her. They end up sharing the pasta. How’d that go for you last time, Chelsea? Go and get your pasta! She’s clearly stuffed up her own pasta in some way.  This is not Masterthief!

Rachel’s set her baking paper on fire making curls of pancetta. At least she’s doing something other than wrapping rabbit loin in pancetta.

Cleo has worked out that ‘mustard fruits’ will go with a mustard sauce. She’s a genius. Her mum told her to go on Masterchef, then died. Seriously. To her credit, Cleo does not cry. Blog favourite.

Other blog favourite Billy is just carving up his rabbit, doing something really strange. He’s making a ball of rabbit organs. George’s ‘what the hell is that’ face has never been more appropriately deployed.

Alex is worried that he’s going to mess it up. Gary loves watching him work – creepy – but thinks his entire idea is stupid. The judges also confirm that they won’t be able to judge Chelsea’s pasta separately. How has she done this twice?

Now Adam’s set his baking paper on fire too. He waves the fire around for a while and endangers others. Nice.

Chelsea’s stolen tortellini is terrible. Should have used your own damn pasta. Ellie’s poached rabbit looks boring so she fries it in all of the butter. She knows what these judges want – a pretty lady holding a stick of butter.

NSFW

Or a lady made of butter.

Craig is using the syrup from the mustard fruits. Alex has forgotten his mousse and it’s over-steamed – the pancetta just looks like a strip of gross boiled bacon. Peter’s dish, on the other hand, looks like a lean cuisine meal. That’s what you get for trying to do fancy plating.

Now Hayden’s food is on fire. None of these people should be allowed near the stoves.

Rachel has made some extremely eighties pancetta curls. She forgets to put them on her dish. Hang on, does this mean she’s failed the challenge entirely? About three-quarters of the contestants have made tubes of rabbit wrapped in pancetta.

Tasting time! Cleo’s up first. Her rabbit tubes look great! She thinks her mum would have liked the dish. Despite Matt’s best efforts she still doesn’t cry. She’s the favourite for a reason. Her dish is perfect! Excellent.

Ellie’s boring poached duck is not so great – it looks like a bain-marie stew. She mispronounces swede as suede and Gary spends a good five minutes making embarrassing dad jokes. Her rabbit is raw, but because she’s pretty the judges actually eat it. High risk!

Another good dish next, from Alana – more pancetta wrapped loin. It’s declared ‘one of the best of the day’. I don’t like this new cautious tone – just declare it the best thing ever already.

Alex, reliably, has put up an appalling dish. Gary hates it – the mousse is grainy, the jus is burnt, the pancetta is chewy and revolting. There is nothing right about it. Once again Alex has stood out from the pack in the wrong direction.

Matt’s disappointed that Rachel forgot her pancetta curls. He was keen on them. Her swede is undercooked, but it’s still better than the other identical dishes. Matt calls her ‘young lady’ – how old is he? He’s like Dorian Gray.

Craig’s tube of rabbit looks like a turd. He’s turned a carrot though! Very fancy. Gary takes the credit for his delicious jus, and Craig bows inexplicably.

Master criminal Chelsea’s up next. Sure enough, Hayden is called up to be judged jointly. I would not go within ten feet of this woman in a competitive kitchen. If Hayden gets punished for her thieving there will be riots in the streets.

"Also, get rid of Matt Moran!"

"Justice for Hayden!"

Hayden is being super nice but looks worried. This is ridiculous! He is not responsible for this! Looks like it’ll be ok – his dish is delicious, while Chelsea’s is a low average. Unclear what the cheating penalty is.

Billy’s not 100% confident. His dish looks fantastic but he’s used a bizarre bit of the rabbit by accident. Apparently it’s the stomach. George refuses to comment. Rough! Billy handles it like a pro.

Jay has made a rabbit tasting plate, like a wanker. It’s a restaurant-quality dish. Whether he has sufficiently shown his authority is unclear.

Judging time! The best are first. It’s between boring Craig, awful Jay and Cleo! Cleo gets extra victory music, but Jay wins. Matt thinks he’s the Rocky of Masterchef. Not really very good? Ultimately going to lose? Hope so.

Now time for the losers, who’ll be in a pressure test together tomorrow. It’s Billy, Alex – obviously – and Ellie. What? Chelsea the criminal escapes without penalty! She’s just going to get worse. Ellie cries, and George hugs her. He likes him a crying lady. Alex tells us he’s going to really pull something out of the hat tomorrow! Mate, you don’t own a hat big enough.

See you tomorrow night for Alex’s final moment of failure. Presumably even if he loses someone will pull out and he’ll be back.

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Comments
  1. Cheezelubber says:

    WTF is the go with Chelsea?

    On the show they are always going on about how cooking fresh pasta doesn’t take that long, why didn’t she get her own and re-roll? It would have taken her about 2 extra minutes.

    She’s going down seems determined to take others with her. Did anyone else notice how she even tried to put it back on Hayden with her “I hope I’m not knocked out because of Hayden’s crap pasta” jibe? Is she serious? I would hate to be in a relationship with this woman. She is obviously a master manipulator.

    I was hoping all this would turn Hayden from sweet innocent golden retriever into pasta defending werewolf from hell, but I was sadly disappointed.

    I can only hope that the producers of the show will try and push Hayden until he cracks. Maybe Matt Moran (aka the lizard man/cooking Voldemort) could find a reason to insult Hayden’s Mum before throwing some confit tomatoes at his special white cooking hat.

    That would be awesome.

  2. cheezelubber says:

    WTF is the go with Chelsea?

    On the show they are always going on about how cooking fresh pasta doesn’t take that long, why didn’t she get her own and re-roll? It would have taken her about 2 extra minutes.

    She’s going down seems determined to take others with her. Did anyone else notice how she even tried to put it back on Hayden with her “I hope I’m not knocked out because of Hayden’s crap pasta” jibe? Is she serious? I would hate to be in a relationship with this woman. She is obviously a master manipulator.

    I was hoping all this would turn Hayden from sweet innocent golden retriever into pasta defending werewolf from hell, but I was sadly disappointed.

    I can only hope that the producers of the show will try and push Hayden until he cracks. Maybe Matt Moran (aka the lizard man/cooking Voldemort) could insult Hayden’s Mum before throwing some confit tomatoes at his special white cooking hat.

    That would be awesome.

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