Masterchef Episode Three Recap: Cheaters Never Prosper

Posted: May 3, 2011 in Uncategorized

Matt and Gary are back! Gary is cheery; Matt can barely keep himself awake. He perks up when he starts talking about Maggie. She’s so excited she can barely make herself wait until the appropriate moment to enter. Everyone is much more excited than they were for Matt Moran – the elderly Indian gentleman whose name I have still not seen is beside himself.

"you're all winners"

I'd be happy too if I could sell people $20 quince paste

Marie is slightly too excited. Apparently Maggie is her surrogate mother. I thought that was illegal in NSW. Maggie is unruffled, hugging the lady and calling her ridiculous in the nicest way possible.

Putting her long-lost child to one side, Maggie lifts the lid on her dish. Not much of a surprise if you watched last night; it’s three delicious-looking desserts. Where’s the verjuice? Oh, it’s in the sabayon. Phew.

Tonight’s a happy night – six people are getting through to the top twenty-four! The bottom ten will compete tomorrow. This is a relief as Maggie is totally incapable of eliminating anyone. To make her feel at home, the set’s been done up like a country kitchen. Apparently country kitchens are large industrial warehouses with a couple of hay bales and blue plates.

They have to share stoves! Alex and Chelsea take this a step further and decide to work as a team. This starts a trend – looks like basically all the young people are doing it. This is an outrage! The pressure test is no place for teamwork. It’s clearly an attempt to cheat. Maggie’s loving it though – laughs that there would be egg on the judge’s face if they gave two identical dishes different scores! George does not appreciate her undermining the judging system.

As time ticks down it becomes clear that people are, as George says, on the highway to trouble town. Nobody more so than Alex, who just dropped his pudding. And by ‘his pudding’ I actually mean ‘Chelsea’s pudding’. She’s about to murder him with his own blowtorch before realising that there are cameras everywhere. George rubs it in but Chelsea is smart enough to realise that she can’t back out now.

Actually, looks like Myri’s a bigger struggler. She’s forgotten why she’s making apples. What do you mean you forgot? You’ve got a recipe plus you are surrounded by people making exactly the same thing. She decides to wing it.

John’s in trouble! Maggie helps him – he basically has to start again. They are really building up to something with this guy.

Alex overtakes Myri in the struggler stakes by setting fire to his bag of sugar. He is the mayor of trouble town. It’s a nice way to end. Tears and hugs all round but at this stage it looks like everyone sucks.

Alex and Chelsea are first up. Chelsea is hoping for lenience because of the smashed cake. You made your bed by trying to cheat. Headmaster Gary rhetorically questions them about why they’re being judged together. Alex doesn’t own up to dropping the cake. They then lie about sharing ingredients. Turns out the pastry and the sabayon are joint efforts – so, 90% of the dish. This is like watching kindy kids get in trouble. Gary is mean to them.

Jess and Nick’s dreams of avoiding joint judgement are quickly dashed. Looks like the judges are coming down hard on collusion. Their effort is clearly kind of ok but Matt is snippy about it anyway. Dan and Alyssa get similarly rough joint treatment. This is what you get for trying to be clever.

Cleo’s up for the first solo effort – it looks vaguely like the original dish. Clearly working solo was actually the answer. She gets the victory music and Maggie nearly explodes with delight.

Myri has made an apple cake. Why? She can’t really answer. Seamus has not made any pastry. He looks like a goofier Bernard Black. Michael delivers without any drama. Maggie’s proud of him! He’s one to watch.

The judges are very leery of Marie, presumably concerned she’ll have a breakdown if her dish is no good. It’s no good. Too lemony. By some miracle she doesn’t cry.

Kate has made scrambled eggs rather than sabayon.  Dessert of kings! Should have sold it as some kind of Heston Blumenthal creation.

Hayden has yet another hat on.  His sabayon is in a shovel. Where did he even get that from? Maggie loves it. Despite being served in a garden tool the sabayon is very impressive. He is overcome and gibbers in the commentary box for a bit.


Slap on a masterchef logo and they'll be queuing up to buy it

John’s up – this is the one the ads have been talking about. He doesn’t present anything because he’s not happy with the standard. Maggie’s heart is breaking. He’s far from the only person out of his depth here. He’s not quitting though, just going straight to elimination. Gary is unimpressed. Maggie cannot be restrained from hugging him. People who brought up plates of crap applaud shamelessly.

Craig’s up and there is some problem with his dish – the judges are conferring in a dramatic fashion. They’ve eaten it all though, which bodes well. He’s through immediately! The rules are out the window tonight. Hate-clapping from the others. Maggie is loving this. She does his apron up for him in her role as ‘composite of everyone’s grandmother’. His secondary reward is to hang around alone by a concrete slab for a while.

Judgement time! Gary tortures everyone. This is his favourite part outside of eliminations.  Michael, Kate, Hayden, Adam and Cleo are through! Gary lets his creepy flag fly, leering at Cleo, telling her ‘I think everyone likes you’ and making everyone hug her. Wha?

Maggie leaves before the losers are declared.  Nobody wants to see Maggie cry, after all. Her advice is “don’t be so stupid all of the time”. I can barely cope with her exuberance through the TV, can’t imagine how full on she is in person.

This Favourites ad is stupid. What to bring when you’re told not to bring a thing? Nothing. If they wanted me to bring something, they should have said. Nobody wants ten boxes of tiny chocolate bars.

What the hell is a moro bar?

This is not 'nothing'

We’re back, and it’s time for Nastychef.  George reiterates his sweet/sour joke. Nobody laughs. Again. All of the people who worked in teams are out. That’ll learn ‘em. The message is clear – this is serious business. See you tomorrow for – apparently – adventures in commercial fishing!


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