Back on excitement island. Oh no, I thought the Matt Moran judge thing was all an elaborate lie. Looks like he’s actually going to be sticking around. The guy is half-man, half-lizard – maybe Tony Abbott was right to be worried about human-animal hybrids.
Apparently everyone’s standing around outside for no reason, because we’re leaving the beautiful outdoors of Cockatoo Island – back in the kitchen for a basic skills test. Several people look worried, for good reason.
The first challenge is – chips! Haven’t we seen this challenge before? If we haven’t then I haven’t seen it ever, because I was making dinner during this bit and missed all the excitement.
Mayonnaise is next! An entire episode of My Kitchen Rules was dedicated to watching one guy repeatedly try and fail to make this. Most people seem to be a bit better at it, although I am suspicious of anyone’s ability to actually absorb the speed Masterclass.
Nobody looks set to whack out the jar mayo – ‘that’s what I use at home, and it’s my chicken potato slice not yours!’ Ah Kate, you are missed.
Watching people whisk is boring so we get a bit of backstory on one of the contestants. Danielle, dressed like a linedancer, describes herself as a ‘little bit rockabilly’. She goes on to prove the rule that anyone who self-identifies as quirky is in reality crushingly dull. She has blatantly disregarded the recipe but gets through anyway.
George walks around flirt-torturing basically every woman under the age of fifty. He is a sucker for the pretty ladies. Moran is having less success due to being less adorable.
Rather than describing the elderly Indian gentleman’s mayonnaise as ‘tasty’ or ‘good’ Moran describes it as ‘the most like mine’. Says it all about this guy really. Elderly guy gets through. Has he appeared on camera before?
I personally would not be able to eat mayo with a spoon, but George and Matt seem to enjoy themselves. The herd is thinned again and we move on.
Third challenge is chicken! They have to cut it into various bits. At this stage Moran is just showing off his sweet chicken technique.
Apparently the supreme is actually a part of a chicken carcass? This sheds new light on the KFC Supreme burger.
Quirky Danielle has decided to do the chicken Moran’s way rather than her own completely incorrect way. A strong tactical choice that I did not expect from her. Moran advises everyone to avoid cutting their fingers off – I’m writing that tip down.
Michael is flying under the radar here – Kate is doing the exact opposite. They’re both way ahead. Hayden’s got a new hat and cannot answer questions about where the skin on his chicken thighs has gone. Presumably he ate it. Back to the chicken stand with him.
What’s happening to all this delicious food? I’m so hungry and now all I want is chicken and chips.
Sun is doing something wacky again. She is a liability. George gets excited about only one person having to use a new chicken – within seconds Mari realises she’s stuffed. George visibly deflates. Apparently the level has risen, but not that much.
Man-giant Seamus is through! Also some guy wearing a fedora. Surely if you have seen any other season of Masterchef you know that ‘wacky hat guy’ is not the guy to be. Quirky Danielle is through. Alex and Sun both back in the penalty round.
Fifteen people – maybe five of whom are identifiable – are ready for the penalty round. They’re making scones. This is an interesting challenge to pick, given that the last runner up consistently couldn’t make scones. Maybe the CWA complained.
Matt and Gary are walking around being stunningly unhelpful as usual. There are more appropriate moments to ask about what someone does for a living than when you are forcing them to make do-or-die scones. Hayden is a ‘professional lifeguard’. Is that a thing you have to clarify? I took it for granted that he was a professional after he said it was his job.
Little montage of Hayden’s life, so presumably he’s hanging around – unless he’s the sacrificial lamb to make us care about the elimination process. All that I take away from this is that he wears a hat indoors but not outdoors. There’s also a shot of him wet to prove what, that he can swim?
Alex is underestimating the power and fury of the scone. Zombie Flo Bjelkie-Petersen is going to get him if he’s not careful. Good god his back is burnt raw!
Moran is patronising Elizabeth about the importance of regular scones. Asks her what to do if she got given a lesser scone than her neighbour. Elizabeth tells Moran that he should be grateful for the food he’s got and think of the person slaving away for hours in the kitchen. Good point! Matt has nothing and skitters away.
Everyone’s scones are in now, so we are treated to a few minutes of riveting people-looking-at-ovens footage. Stop opening the oven! George and Moran attempt some filler dialogue but it falls flat due to Moran’s inability to talk about anything other than himself.
Scones are done! Tanja realises that the challenge was not in fact making the most awful scones ever, but keeps grinning like a loon. Strangely she has no success.
Moran gets his revenge on Elizabeth – her meals-on-wheels scones are not up to his standards. That’ll learn her. A parade of spongey, gooey scones until Kate’s scones which George declares the scones of the day! Moran ruins the moment.
George asks the key questions: can a lifeguard make a scone? He can’t make a joke, that’s for sure.
We cut to an ad break to build tension. Playboy body sprays? Looks like the demographic has changed since last year – used to be all babies and adult diapers.
Sun survives somehow! What is her secret? Hayden is also safe. George makes another joke about lifeguards making scones – why is he so weird about lifeguards? Can he not swim or something? He looks pretty buoyant to me. Nick and Alex are through.
Turns out Tanja’s the stooge to make us care about the eliminations! Didn’t work. Moran informs the anonymous losers that their failure today does not mean that they have to stop cooking! Visible relief. Good to clarify. I wouldn’t be surprised if he tried to enforce a life ban.
That’s it for tonight. Maggie beer is bringing a prize tomorrow! She’s as excited as they are. Actually she looks more excited – as well she should, because the prize is ‘all of the desserts’. Some guy does something that ‘no-one has ever done before’. The tension is killing me.