Game: Changed

Posted: May 1, 2011 in Uncategorized

After months of watching vastly inadequate shows (My Kitchen Rules, I’m looking at you – although I doubt anyone else is watching), finally Masterchef returns to our lives and hearts. No more will we have to flick aimlessly through the tv stations of a weeknight looking for something – anything! – to do that isn’t , say, interacting with friends and family or actually cooking.

I’m worried, though, that the gods on earth who produce Masterchef have decided to muck around with the format. So man-lizard Matt Moran is a judge now? He is awful and scary – on top of this presumably his new feud with Margaret Fulton will prevent Australia’s spiritual grandmother from making a reappearance. Anything that means less Fulton on the telly is not okay with me. That said the Skinhead Chef doesn’t feature prominently anywhere on the website so perhaps this is all Coles propaganda.

And the rules have changed as well, according to the Masterchef website (which I trust implicity in all things). Here are some of the most suspect:

‘there will be no second chances for contestants. Once they’re eliminated, their time in the MasterChef Kitchen has ended for good.”

I don’t believe this for a second. Reality television thrives on second, third and fifteenth chances (look at Survivor: Villains and Heros for a quality example). This is clearly an attempt to make it EVEN MORE SURPRISING (!) when Doofus McGee is returned again to cook seventeen types of curry before being mercifully re-eliminated.

– “when it comes to eliminations, contestants will only be eliminated on the back of cooking, not taste tests”

Sure, I would be ropeable if I got knocked out because I couldn’t tell the difference between star anise and badaine, but on the other hand I don’t know what either of those things are and it would be ludicrous if I was allowed within 20 feet of the masterchef kitchen. Suck it up losers – you’re lucky this thing isn’t decided via thunderdome. Also if you can’t tell the difference between mint and spearmint you can get f’d.

Spearmint? Don't be ridiculous

– “Sunday: This night will change slightly from last series and will feature a mixture of Mystery Box and Invention Test, or a Team Challenge”

Noooooo I hate change, I cling to Masterchef and its unvarying format as my security blanket  against the terrifying and unpredictable reality of modern life. Plus I love Mystery Box. So mysterious!

Ah, who am I kidding. Masterchef is back and it can do no wrong! Unless that clown Donna Hay reappears. Then we’re going to have problems.

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